"When we feel stuck, going nowhere -- even starting to slip backward --
we may actually be backing up to get a running start."
-- Dan Millman
-- Dan Millman
This is the blog post I've been thinking about writing for the last 6 months. It's been playing on my mind so much during this time and every time I go to write it, I receive words of encouragement or great comments about a recipe I posted or words I've written. It's time to have a break from the blog.
I could say its because not a day's gone by when I don't grieve for the loss of my mother. Her birthday is coming up on the 12th of October and I think of nothing else.
I could say its because not a day's gone by when I don't grieve for the loss of my marriage. After 40 odd years of wishing to be married with children and have it gone is very hard to deal with. Its time to start making new dreams.
I could say its because I put myself under so much pressure with blogging and social media. I sometimes forget how to live a 'real life'. A life where I don't want to have to think about whether someone wants to see the cup of coffee I ordered in a coffee shop or hear about the stew I made for dinner or the crazy things my kids have been up to. Worrying about whether or not I've shared everything I do on social media consumes me some days. I've realised there are millions of people out in the world who don't have a Facebook, Twitter or Instagram account. I'm going to be one of them again.
I could say its because I'm seeing my kid's lives flash before my eyes and I feel like I'm not enjoying every precious moment with them or being there for them.
I could say its because I've got two birthdays coming up in November and Christmas without Mum or a husband.
I could say its because of the legal stuff that's coming up from the marriage break down and Mum's estate.
I could say its because of wanting to get my house decorated and my garden in tip top condition.
I could say its because of the 1,000 lessons I need to teach my children to help them be good and capalable citizens of the world.
I could say its because in order to keep receiving the small amount of money the Australian government gives single parents, I have to either work or study for at least 15 hours per week when my youngest child turns 6 (which is November). What does a 48 year old Mum, who thought her days of outside work were over, do? I'm going to find out.
I could say its because of the state of my mental health. Instead of getting better I sometimes feel like I'm worse and all the 'stuff' I have mentioned above is not allowing me to heal. The panic attack I had on Friday night was my wake up call.
I figured this is the last day of the month. Tomorrow is the 1st. The first of a new way of life for me.
To all the friends I've made along the way, I couldn't have nor wouldn't have done this without you. You are all so close to me and I will continue to stay in touch with you via your blogs. Just because I'm not blogging doesn't mean that I won't stop reading them. That's how I got started. I love to read blogs and those regulars I read, your friendship means the world to me. The only other social media platform I'll continue to use is Pinterest. That's where I've stored all my favourite projects I intend on starting.
I'm giving myself at least 6 months to get my life in order, my dreams created, my physical and mental health back and my precious, sweet children my 100% devotion.
Thank you and all my love to you. xx